Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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