I showed him my bush... on skype.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
