did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
