4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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