did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
