There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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