I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
