Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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