watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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