before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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