Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
