apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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