Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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