I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
