sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
