I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
