i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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