I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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