Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
