Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
