I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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