does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
