I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
