i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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