I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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