No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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