Soap is not a condiment
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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