when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize