She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it's like iHOP with fire
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
