Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
