so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
false alarm. still invincible.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
