dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
