he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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