we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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