Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Four minutes until I can fart!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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