Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
