you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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