life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
