her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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