Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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