I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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