There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
