idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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