Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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