She is in my trunk
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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