So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
