ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
