Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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