I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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