Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
