I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
