there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
