the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
