I wish my penis had an off switch
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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