There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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