Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
