I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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