I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
