I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
