Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
wow bdsm is so cute
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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