he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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