Quick, to the slutcave!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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