Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos