well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
