i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
