I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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