Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
