I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
