so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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