dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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