"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
